Readiness
Thirty questions before you say yes
Agreeing to marry is a decision built on answers, not on the impression two meetings leave. Here are thirty questions grouped by topic — not to be fired off at once like an interview, but to make sure nothing important is left to chance.
The Qadrna team · · 4 min read
How to use this list
It is not a form to complete in one sitting. Spread it across stages: the general questions early, the deeper ones once both sides are clearly serious. And ask yourself each question before you ask it of the other person — if you do not know your own answer, you cannot fairly expect a clear one from someone else.
Most importantly, you are not looking for the "right" answer but for a clear one. "I don't know yet" is acceptable; evasion is not.
Values and faith
- What place does faith hold in your ordinary day, not just on special occasions?
- What would you consider a shortcoming you cannot accept in a spouse, and what would you let go?
- How do you make big decisions — through prayer, through consultation, or both?
- What value do you want your children to remember you by?
Family
- What role does your family play in your decisions today, and what role do you want them to have after marriage?
- How often do you expect to see family, and whose?
- If your family's view differs from your spouse's, what do you do?
- Is there a commitment to a parent — care, housing or financial support — that should be known early?
Money
- What is your current income, and what commitments or debts do you have?
- How do you see the dowry (mahr): an honour, a security, or a burden to keep light?
- Who covers household expenses, and does the wife have an independent income that is hers alone?
- Do you save — and what for?
Children and upbringing
- Do you want children, roughly when, and how many?
- What will you do differently from how your parents raised you?
- How do you see their education — particular schools, a particular language, a particular country?
- If children come late or not at all, how will you handle it?
Home and place
- Where do you want to live over the next five years?
- Is a separate home a condition, or is living near or with family acceptable?
- Would you move to another city or country — and for what?
Work and ambition
- What are your career plans for the coming years, and how much time will they take from home?
- Where do you stand on the wife working: her choice, a joint decision, or not acceptable?
- Which ambition would you keep even if it meant changing your family plans?
Health
- Is there a chronic condition, physical or mental, the other person should know about?
- What do you think of premarital health screening, and will you do it?
- How do you deal with stress and exhaustion — by withdrawing, by talking, or some other way?
Disagreement and communication
- How did your last serious disagreement end?
- What makes you feel disrespected, even when the other person did not mean it?
- Do you prefer to settle a disagreement straight away, or once both sides have calmed down?
- Whom do you consult when a relationship struggles — and whom would you never want involved?
- What, if it happened after the wedding, would you consider unbearable?
An awkward question before the contract is far easier than a sudden dispute after it.
What to watch while you listen
The answer itself is half the information; how it is given is the other half. Does the other person answer in detail, or keep it short to move on? Do they change their position when they sense your answer differs? Do they ask you in return, or are they content to be asked? Someone genuinely ready for marriage wants to know as much as they want to be known.
Watch, too, for answers that contradict each other: someone who says their family does not interfere in their decisions, then refers every money question to their father, has given you two different answers.
When an answer worries you
One worrying answer does not mean saying no, but it deserves a second question: "What do you mean by that?" Much concern disappears once something is explained; some is confirmed. And if it is confirmed on something you counted as non-negotiable, stopping at this stage is not failure — it is exactly what the questions were for.
